Questions About Some Proverbs

I have some questions about proverbs. My first is about the word “proverb” itself. If a pronoun is a nonspecific version of a noun, shouldn’t a proverb be a nonspecific version of a verb? And where are my adnouns?

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

That suggests I tried to begin with. But if I didn’t try, is it a problem if I succeed? Like being the 50,000th customer. That took minimal effort, and not focused on winning a coupon at Bennigan’s at that.

“Every cloud has a silver lining.”

The expression means “even bad things have bright sides.” But clouds make rain, which gives us water, one of the most essential sources of life on Earth. So an awesome thing has a minor awesome thing attached? Where’s the bad part, huh?

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

Retire this one. I mean, it means if you eat right you won’t need the doctor, but don’t only eat apples. And what about people with allergies? Was this proverb prophetic? If I use an Apple device to browse Web MD, if I self-diagnose, I’ll keep all doctors away. And the 11th Doctor did, in fact, stay away from apples.

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”

Great advice. Hey, what do you call a bird right after it hatches from its egg? A CHICK. Don’t count your chicks before they hatch. Be very concerned if you see a rooster coming out of an egg.

“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

Oh GOD. What kind of people who can afford a house can’t afford one made of something safer, like mud? And just think of the insurance. You know what kind of people live in glass houses? PLANTS. And couldn’t you throw stones outside of your house? Who throws stones in the house? Mom always said…

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

What if you own a bush farm, and it’s teeming with birds? The birds like it and won’t leave. Delicious birds. Chicken. Turkey. Sitting in bushes waiting to be eaten. What in your hand? A vulture. Ew, no thanks. Gross. Not to mention a pigeon is probably not worth the same as two bald eagles just because of their location.

“A penny saved is a penny earned.”

Really? So obvious. “A milk put in the freezer is a milk that can be drunk on a much later date.” And what value is a penny earned? Even a penny that’s made to look like it has the Statue of Liberty takes three quarters. A Batman villain was made because of how much he hated pennies. Lincoln was given the five dollar bill as an apology, I’m assuming. Not to mention that saving may be the most essential aspect of financial growth, but sometimes it’s okay to spend. Moderation, not overcompensation.

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”

True experience: I passed out at 12 last night. I woke up at 7:10. Check and check. I was tired all day, and just a bit jumpy. Not healthy. I went to work, but I clocked the same hours as usual based on the practicality of how much work I had for the day. Not wealthy. And we can assume I’m not wise based on the fact that I listened to a proverb.

That’s all for now. And remember, sit on a house and people will look up to you.

That’s So Mayo of You

Last year for my English course, we often wrote on the discussion board. I was something of a “stream of consciousness” writer. This post is not about the Miracle Whip campaign ad, but rather just a means to get my point across. I only found one of the videos associated with the Miracle Whip Vs. Stephen Colbert saga, and if there are others easily available now, I’m not posting them here. This is preserved as well as I could have had it, so feel free to seek the others out. Enjoy.

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Saw a hipster in the mirror when I woke today.

A hipster in the mirror, but I did not run away.

I did not shed a tear or hide beneath my bed.

Though the hipster looked at me and this is what he said:

He said, “Uhhh, I invented Sesame Street music parodies.”

That’s when I hid under my bed and cried.

(Parody of “Monster in the Mirror”.)

What is it about the need to be first? First on the moon, first student in class, first in line for an iPhone 6, only to drop it and show the downside to being first. According to Mark Greif’s “The Hipster in the Mirror,” there’s a necessity for privileged individuals to appear superior to their peers through methods of intellect, taste in wardrobe, and even food preference. As such…

Here’s a breakdown: Eons ago (or half a decade), Miracle Whip aired a commercial focusing on the 18-24 demographic with footage of “young, cool, hip people” having a good time at a party, and the one guy by himself lis the only one not wearing what they wear, or acting how the partiers do. It came off as ridiculous because, and here’s my first point, IT’S A MAYONNAISE ALTERNATIVE.

Break. Obviously the commercial panders  to the insecurities of those who need to be “in,” while shunning others as “out” for eating mayo. Again, it’s superiority for a ridiculous reason. Not being first, but being aware of the right food to eat, or clothing to wear, or friends to accept. All it does is remove the power of beauty by trickling away the power of individuality while claiming “individuality.” And what this does is destroy taste in all fields, because, and here’s my main point:

To continue, the Anti-Mayo ad did exactly what commercials are supposed to do; although capturing negative attention wasn’t what the company had wanted. And there was no greater backlash towards the ad than from one Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report, who derided the ad’s pompous tone over a condiment. Those unaware of the ad had become aware, and mocked it as well.

Break. Much of the hipster complex is based on a desire to be appreciated for superiority, and this commonly results in the confusion of intellect with stinging sarcasm, holier-than-thou tones, and refusal to back down.

This image from “xkcd.com” illustrates the idea that  the purer the field (i.e., hipsters claiming they prefered someone before falling into mainstream), the more superiority and “originality” is allowed. But here’s the fact that everyone misses: There’s no real standard for intellect. I’m great with thinking up ideas on the fly, but if I let an idea linger for too long, it mutates and fizzles out of existence. Others are great at math but horrible at writing. Some can write wonderfully but hate reading. There are artists with an eye for color but an elbow for composition. There are fantastic drummers who can’t even play the first few bars of “Chopsticks” on the piano. Intellect, beauty and ability are all broken into components, and the stronger aspects make up for the shortcomings that sit beside it.

Mainly, my point is that hipsters, and everyone else, cannot expect to show off intellect in all fields because faults are expected.

To continue, some companies can take a gentle ribbing, but not Miracle Whip, no sirs and madams. So they concocted this rebuttal:

Okay. First, that’s Mister Colbert to you. Second, this is nothing more than the same ad with certain scenes moved and new dialogue. So they were clearly eager to correct the public’s opinion, rather than drop the whole debacle. This emphasises Greif’s statement, “The habits of hatred and accusation are endemic to hipsters because they feel the weakness of everyone’s position — including their own. Proving that someone is trying desperately to boost himself instantly undoes him as an opponent.” Most large companies would ignore Colbert’s comments, since the best course of action in cases of animosity or being attacked by someone is a good nature, as it creates a kinship with the onlookers.

So they didn’t. Notice the phrases they use. “We will not back down.” Back down on what? Selling condiments? “Ouch. That’s so Mayo.” See, they use the word “Mayo” as an insult, despite plenty of consumers liking mayonnaise. And by using “ouch” sarcastically, they express that no, their feelings aren’t hurt. Ironically (and I’m using the term correctly), all it did was prove that they were hurt. The ad expresses all of the issues with hipster culture, but it takes it to a new extreme with this tidbit: The ad was aired during The Colbert Report’s commercial breaks. So technically, not only did they come off as needy, unintellectual, and obnoxious, but they paid Colbert to let everyone know that was the case.

When it comes to beauty, we may disagree, but we should never try to convince others that their opinion is wrong. Oh, factually incorrect statements, fine, but never emotionally-based thoughts. Miracle Whip learned that the hard way, and sometime later they partially made up for their errors through a series of ads that showed people who liked or disliked Miracle Whip, which showed how some people like their products or the “Brand X,” and that supported a kinship far more than dominance of intellect ever could.